A few months ago I downloaded music by Derek Webb on NoiseTrade.  I have enjoyed listening to it since then. Today I stumbled upon a blog about controversy surrounding his new album (to be released in September I believe). After listening to the song stirring up all this controversy I was a bit depressed. I like the song. It’s challenging and fresh and musically enjoyable. I have to admit that I didn’t go digging around any other places to see what exactly the controversy was, but from what I understand it is rooted in the use of a swear word in the song. I can understand some hesitation because of swearing. I can understand outrage even. But the reaction is rather ironic considering the song is about just that.  And I wonder, are people reacting to the swear word or the fact that they feel challenged by a Christian song that has a swear word? I mean, how scandalous is that, to say you are moved by a song that uses bad language? But seriously, it’s challenging in a positive way and in my opinion the swear word adds to that rather than taking away from it. I have enjoyed the album I have and based on  “What Matters More” I will probably be downloading the new one as well. You can get Derek Webb’s “The Ringing Bell” on NoiseTrade for free by clicking below.

Death is all around us. Every day people are dying, every day pages are filled with short tributes to people who have left this world. But lately the death has seemed so much more. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, the oxi-clean dude- these are people I have never met, people I have never really paid any attention to (I’m pretty sure the only non- Jackson 5 song by Michael Jackson I know is “Thriller”) and yet there deaths seem so tragic. Lives lost before they should. This was bad enough, but then…

Last night a 22 year old boy died in a tragic car accident. He wasn’t drunk, but while driving on a nearly desserted road he died. I met this boy only once, but his death hits me hard. Just shy of 5 years ago he sat along side of my brother as he went through the terrible ordeal of being told there was nothing wrong with him and being sent home when he had a growth on his brain stem that made him so nauseaus he couldn’t stop throwing up. This boy was there. He gave up his comforts to help my brother. And now he is gone.

Jake wasn’t a Christian to my knowledge. He didn’t go to church, he didn’t talk about God, he didn’t have a Bible. He might have been, but from what I know, he wasn’t. And this is something I am having trouble reconciling. I only met him once, but during that time I didn’t talk about what I believe, I didn’t try to tell him about what it means to be a Christian and I didn’t really act any different than anyone else (not that I acted poorly, just that there was nothing that set me apart). I have this belief that we should not walk up to people and just start “preaching”. But when I look at this lost opportunity I doubt my motives. Am I just afraid of being laughed at? Do I really believe that it is ineffective to just start talking about what I believe? Or do I not want to give up my comfort and enjoyment to take the time to talk with another? I don’t know. I honestly believe that the best evangelism is living life with people, but when that’s not possible should we be doing something else? Would me sharing my faith with this person have made a difference? I’ll never know. Perhaps he is a Christian, that would be wonderful.

There is something hopeful in the pain of loss when a Christian dies. The comfort of knowing they are living as we were created to live helps as we work through the pain of our human loss. But death when the person is not a Christian is by necessity void of hope. Because in death that person gets what they sought in life. In death all hope is lost. In that death they spend eternity in suffering and pain. Instead of release there is eternal torment.

Thank you Lord for giving us a choice. Thank you for providing a way to get that which we don’t deserve.

Lord have mercy.

I am a pretty laid back easy going person. Very little really gets to me in a big way, but for some reason my brother has always been the one person who I have zero tolerance for. You may be thinking this is completely normal, and to some extent I agree. However, we were, and to some degree still are, beyond the normal. Here are a few examples:

- When we were both in middle school my parents left us home alone for a couple of hours. When they returned home there was a hole in the wall where the remote had been chucked at my brothers head.

- Again when my parents were gone…We had only one bathroom for a number of years and my brother decided to lock himself in it. I had to use the bathroom and after about an hour I banged on the door until it broke. That door became the door to the laundry room and still is broken.

- After yelling and screaming for a few minutes I slammed the door to my room and locked myself in. So my brother went and got a saw and sawed through the door. Seriously

So those are just a few more extreme examples, but I am sure you can imagine what it was like on a regular basis. I was thinking about this the other day when thinking about the siblings we have in youth group here. I’m not sure how my youth leader dealt with my brother and I, who had no problem getting into screaming/hitting matches even at church (I never started them, but I never stopped them either). If I had kids that fought like that I’m not sure what I would do, pull out my hair in frustration probably. You can seperate kids, but that doesn’t really solve anything long term. What would have worked for me and my brother? I’m not sure anything would have really worked- we could have been kicked out of youth group, but that also isn’t a great solution. What do you do when you have siblings or friends who are fighting at youth group?

By the way, my brother still knows how to push all my buttons, and although we don’t scream and yell and hit and break doors anymore I rarely spend large amounts of time with him without getting angry about something. Oh well, I guess that’s just the way it is

I’m getting ready to move in about two weeks and so that means packing and cleaning and getting organized and trying to figure out what there is I can get rid of so I have less that I have to move. The only problem with this is that I always feel bad getting rid of things. I don’t necessarily like them or feel a strong desire to keep them, but I look at the candle holder I never use and think about how my friend would feel if I just got rid of it. And then I figure I better keep it because I don’t want to hurt her feelings, even though she wouldn’t actually know the difference. Well, I’ve moved twice in the past 3 times in the past 2 1/2 years, this will be time 4. I’m sick of hauling all this stuff I don’t care about around with me. So I went on a massive purge. Stuffed animals given to me as gifts, little knick knacks and souvenirs that I have no use for anymore, books, clothes, movies. I went through and filled box after box after box (okay, just 3 boxes, but still). Then I took it immediately to the Salvation Army and left it with them. It felt good when I did it. The next day I wanted to take it all back. Not because I wanted it now, but because I was like, well what if I wish I hadn’t gotten rid of it in a month or year or whatever? What if I end up wanting to read that book again in a couple of years? My emotions wavered from happiness that I finally got rid of all this unwanted stuff to doubt about whether I should have gotten rid of all of it. It’s been about a week now and I feel good about it. I don’t care if I need it again in a month or a year- I can go to the library or rent the movie or buy a new t-shirt like the one I got rid of.

I realized during this whole process that I am too attached to stuff. My reasons may not be so bad- I mean not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings seems like a pretty good reason on the surface- but the reality was that no matter what my reasons I was letting stuff have too much importance in my life. Now, to find a way to get rid of more of this stuff…that might be a bit too much for now.

I love theatre- musicals, plays, comedy- there’s a liveliness to live performances that tv and movies cannot capture. I also really enjoy Kristin Chenoweth who is incredibly talented and hilarious. These two things combined to make me grab “A Little Bit Wicked” at the library the other day.  I did not expect a spiritual or theological book at all, despite having heard numerous times that Kristin Chenoweth is a Christian. But what I ended up getting was exactly what we need to do more of in the church- a person’s story about life where faith cannot be seperated from the rest of life.

The book is very easy to read and has many hilarious interludes making it enjoyable to read. Whether it was deliberate or not the book tells a story about a person- just like you and me- trying to figure out how to live as a Christian in the world. I do not agree with all her conclusions about what living as a Christian actually looks like, but what I appreciated was that she knew what she believed and she chose not to compromise on those things. She’s honest about mistakes and her motives behind doing things. She doesn’t take on a holier than thou attitude at any point, and she seems to have no problem admitting that she has done both stupid things and great things.

I enjoyed the book and think any one who enjoys Kristin Chenoweth would also enjoy the book. What I hope to take away from it is that it’s okay to admit when we mess up, it’s okay to admit when we are basking in victory, it’s okay to disagree, and no one is every going to have it all figured out. But in the midst of our journey we need to be willing to share honestly with others where we are, where we’ve been, what we believe, etc. We need to know ourselves enough to be able to stand firm when others are pushing us in a different direction but also be teachable at the same time.

I think our churches would be overflowing if we lived as genuinely as this book seems to be written.

I am sure anyone having driven a fair amount will have encountered that time when you realize you are drifting the wrong way- perhaps you are drifting into the lane next to you occupied by another car, or perhaps you are driving down the highway and hit those loud bumps in the road alerting you to the fact you have driven onto the shoulder. What do you do? The majority of people respond by jerking the wheel the opposite way, too much, too fast- over correcting. We do this in culture as well. And we do this in the church.

Currently it seems we have gotten it into our heads that God is a loving being whose only desire is to have a relationship with us. That we aren’t expected to really change because we can’t. This idea is in response to the previous teachings and ideas that we need to do everything in our power to live a Godly life and that all God cares about is us becoming better Christians. Where’s the balance?

We cannot live believing that God cares only about the relationship. God desires to see us grow and change and become more Christ-like.  It is not okay for us to say we are in a relationship with God and that’s that. Relationship includes change and growth. In human relationships both parties must work to grow and change in order for the relationship to work. But with God only one party must grow. God is already perfect. He has reached out to us and now it is our responsibility to grow and become more like him. If we do not the relationship will die. We need to find that middle ground.

Relationship is the basis. Relationship is vital. In our world of technology and disconnection the focus on relationship is not a bad thing. However, we need to be honest about what relationship looks like and means. Relationship can never mean we stay how we are because change isn’t possible. There are no true relationships that exist without the growth and development of the people involved. There is a need to change and grow and become more Christ-like in order to maintain the relationship. There is a need for church discipline and active renunciation of sin. There is a need for good deeds and service. These are not “nice additions” or ideal things we should strive for- these are essential parts of the relationship.

God and me aren’t buddies. I don’t want God to be my buddy because the people I would call my “buddies” are people who come and go from my life fairly easily. I want a deeper relationship and in order to have that I must go through the painful process of growth and letting go of things that prevent the relationship from continuing to develop.

When driving and swerving to the soldier I tend to over-correct and swerve the other way. But shortly after that I get it straightened out and drive down the center of the lane as I should. We need to do this in the church. We need to find the middle of the road back and stop swerving from side to side.

Do you know who the most powerful celebrity in the world is? It’s not Oprah. It’s Angelina Jolee. I’m not sure what factors contribute to the determination of most powerful celebrity, but I know President Barak Obama is number 49 on the list. He’s the president of the United States and he’s 49th? That seems pretty pathetic to me. Now some may argue that Obama is not really a celebrity and that’s why he’s so low on the list, but let’s face it, he’s as much a celebrity as the majority of actors, athletes, and musicians. Unlike president’s before him I would say Obama truly is a celebrity. So why is he ranked below Oprah, Angelina, and Tiger Woods? And apparently 46 other people as well.

It’s a sad day when the President is ranked so far below so many other people. I mean, how do we let our entertainers become more influential than our elected officials? Sad indeed.

I have now lived in three very different areas: Holland, Orange City, and Chicago. As I was watching the news the other night I was once again reminded of how depressing our news is these days- it is no longer a surprise when I hear about more than one murder in a day. But there once was a time when an attempted robbery would have surprised me.

When I lived in Holland I didn’t pay much attention to the news, but from what I remember most of it focused on happenings around the state, a few local things about a robbery or gang violence or something, and world news during the local news time.

When I lived in Orange City during the year we first went to war against Iraq the majority of the news coverage was on two things- the war and local sports. Seriously they could talk about the football team, the basketball team, the cheerleaders, whatever for hours on end, but any real news beyond the way the weather was affecting crops was rare.

Now I am just outside Chicago and it almost doesn’t seem worth it to watch the news because it’s either about the corrupt politicians or the death of yet another person caused by uncontrolled violence.

The TV depressed me, but it also didn’t surprise me. I want to be surprised by violence, by corruption, by evil. Initially I thought I was desensitized to these things because of how abundant they seem to be now compared to before. But I realized something later on- I may be a bit desensitized by the violence, but I would rather be overwhelmed with all this wickedness thrown in my face than live in the bubble that suggests the only bad things happening are too far removed from my world to actually affect me. This is a more accurate picture of what we as Christians need to be seeking to change. The world we are called to be in but not of is not an idyllic town where sports and weather and wars in other countries are what make our news. We are called to be in a world that is totally corrupted by evil, a world that is currently ruled by prince of darkness. We need to be throwing light into the darkest of places. I think it’s too easy to forget what we are up against when we aren’t exposed to the reality of it in our backyard. It’s not pretty, it’s not safe, and it certainly will not be easy. Let’s get started already.

Proposition 8 is back in the news following a California Supreme Court ruling that says the vote to ban gay marriage was indeed constitutional. I’m not sure how I feel. I do not believe that gay marriage is biblical. From what I understand in the Bible there is nothing to support it in any way, and there is plenty of evidence (however open to interpretation you claim it to be) against it. That said, I am not sure how I feel about the constitutionality of banning gay marriage.

I am by no means a government scholar. Perhaps written into our constitution originally is a declaration of marriage being defined as between man and woman. I don’t honestly know, and I don’t really care to go research it. I’ve never read anywhere that it is and adding that definition seems to be the biggest push by conservative groups in various states, so I’m going to assume it isn’t.  And that brings me to a place where I find it hard to figure out that right blance between my personal religious beliefs and my personal political beliefs.

I feel that we Christians in America have a pretty flawed view of what it means to have freedom. We firmly embrace being allowed to worship as we choose, to voice our opinions as we choose, to pray where we want, when we want, and to educate our kids as we choose. But, when it’s another person’s freedoms to believe what they want we fight against it because it goes against our religious beliefs and values. Now, let me clarify one thing here. I am not saying we should not be out to change the world, but I do not think we should be out to take away the freedoms of other people in our attempt to change the world. This is not what Jesus did. Jesus gave people freedom, he never took it away.

This will probably get me in trouble with the majority of Christians out there, but I will not vote against gay marriage. I feel like to do so is not much different than voting to ban marriage between two white people or two black people or whatever. These are people who want to have the right to live a normal life. They want to get married not to be different but to be the same. They aren’t trying to manipulate the system in their favor, they are people trying to have the same rights as any other American. Can you imagine living with your spouse without having the benefits of a civil marriage? You’d be outraged! You can’t get health coverage for your “spouse” because you aren’t actually married. You can’t get the tax breaks or the security of common property.

I would love to see a world where this isn’t an issue. A world where sin doesn’t exist. And I don’t know exactly where to stand on this thin line I’m trying to balance on. One slight step too far over and I know I’m not living as a Christian. But one step too far back and I’m not really living as a Christian then either. I cannot say I support gay marriage. I don’t. But I do support the rights of people as Americans to have the same freedoms as the rest of us. Isn’t that what America is all about anyway?

 I love this site. It’s a great place to get free music and find new artists you likely won’t find anywhere else. Right now I’m really enjoying this artist, but there are so many great musicians with music posted I highly reccommend you take some time and go check it out. I think everyone will find something they like. And it’s FREE!