Segregation

I’m 25 and single and expect to be that way for a while still. Unfortunately for me most people in the church are married by their mid-20’s. For the past two years I haven’t really worried about this- just because someone is married doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. However this year my church is changing things up- instead of all young adults attempting to do Bible study as a whole group (attempting because it fell apart before Christmas last year) there is going to be a group for young marrieds and a group for singles. I understand the need for this- I realize that a married person is going to be in a different place than I am spiritually just because they are married. But the problem for me is that the “singles” at my church are almost all college age and a large majority that are in the area are kids who I had in youth group. I don’t know how I feel about having Bible study with them- maybe it makes me sound like an arrogant person but I don’t think we are anywhere near the same place spiritually or emotionally or anything.

Some churches are blessed to have huge numbers of people so when there is one group that is clearly in the minority there are still enough people to have a Bible study or other type of group for them. But most churches are probably faced with a situation far more like mine- a post-college single young adult demographic of a handful (of which 2 are active in the church maybe).

There are oodles and oodles of books about why young adults are leaving the church and/or why young adults aren’t coming to church. One of the recurring themes is community- young adults don’t want the fake community, we seek genuine relationships. When a single post-college young adult enters the church and is faced with a choice- join with the college age group or the married young adults group it’s not going to be welcoming. How do we make the church less divided? I don’t mean just the young adults, I mean everyone. Why do small groups need to be based on similarities? Why does a small group of single young adults, married young adults, parents of young children, parents of elementary children, parents of middle schoolers, parents of high schoolers, parents of college students, empty nesters, grandparents, etc make sense? Isn’t the church about a bunch of different people coming together and uniting in Christ? Isn’t there some other way to meet needs than by having this amazingly diverse group of people- a diversity found almost no where else in culture- split back into groups with people like themselves? Am I just seeing this as a problem because of my personal situation or is this something that others are wondering about too?

$4.40

Last night I packed up a bag with some food and a blanket and headed to Grant Park for a free movie in the park. I was looking forward to the time downtown but not the late night (I would get home after 11:30 which is late for me). The movie finished right about 10 and we headed back toward the trains. I had a little bit of time so I didn’t hurry to get my ticket and get on the train. About 7 minutes before the train was scheduled to depart I found my track and meandered to the train. After getting on I was surprised how full the train seemed so long before it would be leaving. I walked down the aisle looking for a seat as the doors closed and the train took off. It was only 10:35 and my train was supposed to leave at 10:40. I panicked a little as I turned to a man and asked where the train was going. As it turns out it was certainly not going where I needed to be. I sent Kerry a text saying “I’m on the wrong train!” and then found out where I could get off from the conductor and also learned that although it was not yet 11 PM the next train back to the station wouldn’t be until after 1 AM. I was a bit freaked out because I didn’t know what sort of area I was going to be abandoned in and had exactly $4.40, a bottle of powerade, my cell phone, my ipod, and a blanket. No credit card so no way of getting a taxi or some other transportation that costs more than the train to get back. Kerry kindly came and picked me up but I had a bit under 2 hours to sit and not really do anything. And I got to thinking about the people who are always in my situation. People who never have a credit card to rely on and have no choice but to depend on the kindness of others to help them get through the day. Usually I think we see these people after they have spent a long time living that way. I don’t know why, but that seems to be the case for me at least. I run into the people who have gotten past the initial panic and desperation. They have figured out how to make it even though it’s not any easier for them it has become the familiar.

But what about the woman whose husband beats her, who flees the comfort and familiarity of her home for the sake of her well being and that of her children? She is left in a strange place with little power to make it on her own. She goes to a shelter, she has to find a job, she has to care for her children, she might even beg. She’s probably not sure what to do next, not sure if she has enough money for new shoes for her kids and food on the table. She’s probably trying to figure out who she can turn to for help.

I wouldn’t choose to end up on the wrong train and get an undesired tour of a new metra station. I certainly won’t be going downtown with only cash any time in the near future. But for two hours I realized exactly how dependant I am on money and how discouraging it can be to not have enough for what you need. Thankfully I have a wonderful friend who drove 40 minutes to come pick me up at midnight, and another 40 minutes to bring me home.

Forsaken

I have heard many heart breaking stories recently but two struck particularly close to home and have me asking “What can we do better?”

The cook at my dad’s work had a serious liver disease, I don’t really know what was wrong, it wasn’t from alcohol but other than that all I know is that he needed a liver transplant but for a long time he wasn’t “sick” enough to get on the list. Finally he got sick enough and a shortly after that he got a liver. The transplant went perfect- the doctors said he was the poster boy for transplants it went so well. He was home 6 days later. Less than 24 hours after that he died. He had a blood clot. The doctors said it wouldn’t have mattered if he had been in the hospital still either way they wouldn’t have been able to save him. He and his family hadn’t been to church in years and his wife made a comment like “I don’t think I want anything to do with a God that lets this happen”.

My church growing up didn’t have very “youth”. But for the first two years of high school we had a lot of kids in youth group- they were mostly kids who spent all their free time at the skating rink. They were disruptive and said things that made the few of us who had grown up in church a bit uncomfortable. But there were some who were truly seeking a relationship with God. Katie was one of them. She was a senior when I was a freshmen so the only time we talked to each other was at youth group. When she graduated she slowly fell away from the church, but not so much from God- at least not from the few times I talked to her. Amy had a baby boy about a year ago. He was born really sick and spent the first 6 months of his life in the hospital. Even when they finally got to take him home he was often in and out of the hospital and needed a lot of special care. About 2 months ago, 3 months before his first birthday he died. I heard from a mutual friend that Amy basically has turned her back on God.

Neither of these people was connected with a church community when they dealt with these things, and I doubt that a connection to a church community would change their feelings about God right now. But I want to know what we as the church can do to connect with these people before it gets to the extreme.

I wonder if we reached out to them instead of waiting for them to reach out to us if we could be a support network as they struggle with this cruel loss.

I wonder if we would be supportive as they turned away from God for a time.

I wonder if we could be a lifeline that could keep them in some way connected to God even as they struggle with these feelings of hurt and anger.

I wonder if it’s too late for the church to reach these people.

I wonder what Jesus would do.

A Bit of Crazy

He was with us for several months. The first time I saw him I freaked out. There was some old guy who looked dead sitting in a running car in the parking lot at 10:30 P.M. It was just me and another girl and we weren’t sure what to do. Neither one of us wanted to tap on the window to make sure he was okay so we just kinda ignored it. Then found a guy who was willing to go check on him. He was okay, he was just sleeping. I was still pretty creepd out by him and whenever I was at church at night, especially alone, I avoided going anywhere near his parked truck.

For a couple months- May until almost August I avoided this scary guy. And then something changed. He wasn’t allowed to drive anymore so he was stuck in our parking lot with his truck and no keys to go anywhere. A couple times a day he came in for water or the bathroom. Most of the time I would just let him in and smile and say “hi”. A few times we talked a bit more than that. He smelled awful. He was somewhat hard to understand because he was missing pretty much all of his teeth. He brought be a flower. I kill flowers. Ask anyone who knows me. So My goal was to make sure I didn’t hurt his feelings by killing this one. (It’s still alive).

After a week of casual conversation he stopped by my office and started talking about all sorts of things- ranting about the corruption in Pads, talking about his mission to start a therapy ranch, telling stories about the wonderful church experiences he’s had and the horrible ones. I wasn’t sure what to say.

Later that day he came in and was talking about his past life and angels and demons and how he can see them when they are present. I totally disregarded him at this point- not because of the angels and demons but because of his reference to his past life and why he had been brought back to earth.

The next day he was gone. He hotwired his truck and took off because he said there were too many evil spirits at our church (he called and left a voicemail).

I never told him I didn’t believe what he was saying, but I certainly doubted it. Did he sense that? Is it my fault he left? What would have happened if he had stuck around the church for a few more weeks? Would God have used our church to bring this man back to him? At the time I decided there wasn’t really anything I could do for him except give him water, listen to his ramblings, and be nice because I believed he was truly a paranoid schizophrenic. I still do. But I also realized something else.

Every prophet in the Bible would have appeared to those people as truly insane, at least some of the time. The people who were being preached to by the prophets probably weren’t always intentionally ignoring God’s word but were unable to see past the crazy person appearance of God’s messengers. How easily do we dismiss people who strike us as insane who might have a prophetic word to preach to us, even if they are truly insane? God uses anyone and I don’t doubt that he would happily use a mentally unstable person to preach to me, a person who considers my mental stability to be of great value. What other “prophets” has God sent my way only to have me shut them out for one reason or another? Do you think we are too quick to dismiss mentally ill people?

Serving the Needy

I spent the weekend back in Holland, MI where I grew up. As I drove to my parents’ house I passed by a big CRC church with a banner plastered over their normal sign “Welcome Serve!” Serve is the CRC’s summer mission trips. After seeing the sign I asked my sister what she thought there might be to do in Holland- a nice though economically struggling small lake side town. We both drew blanks- I mean it’s Holland, the worst places are the migrant villages, right?

My entire family was back in Holland for the weekend because of a wedding. While there we went over to my grandparents’ house for lunch and as we pulled up we immediately noticed that the dark brown house was now a much lighter gray color. “Who painted their house?” A group of kids here for the week through “Serve”. Hmmm. I guess that’s the work that people do in Holland when they come.

My grandpa had a stroke a couple years ago and now my grandma spends pretty much all her time helping him so they don’t have time for their garden/yard/house like they used to. Not that they would have been able to paint their house anyway with their age. They were surprised because they didn’t have to pay for anything- not surprised about the free labor, they knew about that part, but surprised because the paint was donated and people came around to clean up the garbage after each day of work. I think they were very amused by watching the kids outside painting each other as much as the house and enjoyed having them inside for a snack each day. I have no doubt the people who worked at their house made a lasting impression on them.

However, they didn’t really need it. Several times a year all their kids get together and take care of all the stuff they need taken care of- yard work, house repairs, painting, etc. They have plenty of money to pay for what needs to be paid for (both my grandparents and the kids) and they certainly have people who are willing and able to do the work that is needed. Don’t get me wrong, I and they are grateful for the people who came and painted (and scraped, ick scraping) their house. It needed to be done and they certainly couldn’t do it themselves. But it makes me wonder about mission trips.

What is the purpose? Who are we going to serve? Does it matter if we are serving dedicated Christian people who have the means to get the work done themselves or not? How easy is it for us to over look those in our own communities in need but not in desperate need?

I have seen desperate need- I have seen the people who depend on food pantries and volunteers to come paint and free clinics to make ends meet. There is more need than can be met right now. So should we focus on them and let those who can make it on their own make it on their own? I was feeling like we should, until I read today about Mary puring expensive perfume over Jesus and his response to those who criticized her “Leave her alone! She has done this to prepare me for the day I will be placed in a tomb. You will always have the poor with you, but you will not always have me with you.” (John 12:8) Sure, this is about Jesus being prepared for burial, but I think we can also take away from it that it’s not always about reaching the people in the most need, sometimes it is important to serve those who simply have a need. It’s still service, it’s still meeting a need, it’s still sharing the love of Christ with others. What do you think?

And to those who will never see this but gave a week of their summer to head to my grandparents’ house and work- thank you. You made a difference by your actions.