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2 Years of Blessing

October 30, 2011

2 years ago I sat on my living room couch crying my eyes out and at the same time feeling the faintest glimmer of hope. It was a day I may sometime forget, but it was a day that will live with me forever. The day I finally realized that I am gay, and that it was okay, and that I needed to stop pretending, stop hiding, stop running, and learn how to accept this piece of who I am so I could be a complete and whole person. It was at this point that my relationship with God grew and grew at exponential and unprecedented rates. It was at this time that I realized that I was completely alone and began to realize that God was all I had to help me through the process. A little less than a year later I took the final step in truly trusting God and accepting and embracing who it is God made me to be. I couldn’t even begin to imagine where it was going to take me.

When I left my secure job with a community of support and friends- all be it perhaps not true friends, still people I considered, and for many still consider, friends- I had no idea what amazing things God had in store for me.

He provided every step of the way. I was never without an income, even though it wasn’t enough to cover all my bills, it was enough to get close. I discovered a new love, and had fun working in a bookstore, which lead to a job working at a book publisher, a job I love. A job, I think, I honestly enjoy more than my old one.

What’s more, I’m still working with you. I’m still a youth leader at my new church, which is as close to my picture perfect idea of church as I think it is possible to find. I still can’t believe there actually is a church out there that fit into my idea of what church was supposed to be. I have found a new family of friends at church, and I have found a new family too.

My family isn’t thrilled, but they have supported me every step of the way as much as they can. And God has blessed me with the one thing I honestly didn’t know if I would ever get- a family of my own. My girlfriend and her son have become the center of my world. I had no idea what it would be like. And while it’s not always a walk in the park having people with which I share my life- the good, the bad, the boring, and the exciting, and everything in between is the most amazing thing ever.

Am I living a life that God approves of? I think so, but I don’t know for sure. What I do know is that I have never before in my life felt so blessed, so loved, and so accepted. I believe that God will provide no matter what, but I also feel that the blessings that have been showered down have to be God’s way of saying to me, “Lisa, I love you. You, not who you are going to be, not who you “should” be, but you. Exactly as you are right here and right now.”

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