Posts Tagged ‘emotion’

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I Love You

March 15, 2011

What is love? How do you know when you are in love? When do you know it’s more than just physical desire and initial chemistry?

I don’t know. I wish I knew. It would make things so much easier. Everyone offers cute quips and romantic suggestions, and while I think all of these things play into love none of these, even when grouped together can be considered love.

I’ve wanted to say it. I’ve come close so many times but I always pull back. One time it was because of fear- what if she doesn’t love me? What if I put too much pressure on her? What if by telling her how I fell I lose her? It was too much.

But then I realized that I would rather lose her with her knowing how I feel than lose her because I kept quiet. But then I got to thinking about it too much. How do I know I love her?

I want to be with her, always. I love to hear about her day, watch her cook (and then clean up the dishes 🙂 ). I have had the desire, the urge, the need to tell her I love her, and yet here I sit wondering if I do.

If I think I do, is that enough? If the desire to say the three simple words “I love you” are so strong that they almost slip out without even thinking, is that enough? I don’t know. But I think it’s going to have to be. There are too many times that I forget to catch myself, and that is enough reason to just tell her. Why should I hold such words and feelings inside?

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Tree Faith

October 2, 2008

I love fall. I love being able to pull out my sweaters, curl up under a blanket, enjoy a cup of tea, and warm up with a bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. The trees are turning beautiful shades of red, the air is crisp and refreshing. It’s a wonderful time of year. As I marvelled at the beauty of the trees I found it amazing that they are so splending just before going into a long period of hibernation. Soon these now gorgeous trees will drop their leaves and spend several months appearing dead, lifeless. This is true for my life as well. Often the lowest times for me come just after the most wonderful. It’s like a caffeine high- for a few hours my body is falsely told that I have energy, but the caffeine wears off and suddenly I am slow and tired. My body struggles to function properly. I think so many of my “highs” were created by false things- things that made me feel emotionally more connected, emotionally more on fire, all while spiritually I’m still in the same place. When this emotional high wears off I am spiritually in the same place I was all along, but the emotions are gone and this makes the spiritual seem so much less.

Like the trees that are going to appear dead in a few weeks, my spiritual life may appear dead to me, or at least barely alive, but both my spiritual life and the trees are still just as alive as before, they are just living in a different way. Soon the buds will return, the “accessories” will come back, and the trees will look beautiful once again. My spiritual life may appear to be dead compared to what it had been, but really the high, the trappings, are just accessories. These are things that add to the spiritual, but they are not the spiritual. I don’t look at a pile of leaves and say, look at that tree, I say, look at those leaves. The same needs to be true of my spiritual life, I cannot look at the emotional part and say, look at how great my walk with God is.

Today as I admire the trees and their splendid leaves, I am reminded that the leaves do not make up the tree- the roots, the trunk, the “wood” makes up the tree. The leaves are an important part- they help the tree live, but they are not what makes the tree live. The emotional parts of my spirituality are not what make me spiritually alive, my relationship with God is. The emotional aspects are important, but they cannot keep me alive. Leaves are great, but as we see when they fall to the ground, leaves don’t keep the tree alive. And I’m glad about that.