God’s Work

How quickly things change. I was feeling pretty good about the way things were going after the positive feedback I had received, but last night was one of those nights that you need to get past as quickly as possible while also trying to figure out how to make it better for the next time. I thought I had a pretty solid lesson planned- almost the entire thing kept the youth doing something, either writing or acting or moving around. BUT, in order for a lot of what I planned to work we needed enough kids to split into two or more groups. And we had only three. So more than half of the lesson had to be changed on the spot and the only thing I could come up with was to attempt to act out the parables as they were read instead of planning how to perform them for one another. This was far too distracting for the three boys we had. I’m pretty sure the entire lesson was a flop. That alone wouldn’t have been the end of the world. BUT, I had planned two games that both required more than the 7 people (4 leaders, 3 kids) we had. So last minute scramble we tried some dodge ball and finally let the guys just do what they wanted with the balls, basically a no one gets out ever version of dodgeball. It was okay, but for an hour of time for games I got sick of it and at least one of the guys did as well. 

This morning I am feeling frustrated. I feel like I should have been better prepared for a small group- our first meeting we only had three as well, but since then we have had at least 6 each week. And I feel like this is God’s way of saying, hold up a minute and don’t get too far ahead of yourself and your feelings. It’s not about me. But why is it a lot easier to remember this when things aren’t going great? Our lesson was about stuff cluttering our lives and getting in the way of our relationship with God. I think I did that with the lesson last night- too much that I planned not leaving room for God. I need a bit more humility and I need to remember that it’s when I leave room for God and not my own plans that he is most able to work. Have you been leaving room for God to work? How can we trim out that which fills up the space for God?

Frustrations

I have a very specific routine prior to any youth meeting. I always arrive way early, go over my plan for the night, practice it out loud in the quiet of no one around to hear me, and pray. I would definitely say prayer is my biggest weakness spiritually, so for me, setting aside a specific time for prayer is essential, otherwise, it doesn’t happen (except the short one liners). No meditative prayer, no focusing prayer. That is what I do before our meeting. This helps me get my focus where it needs to be, as well as praying for the students coming. Last night, I didn’t get this. I didn’t have any time for review and preperation and my only prayer time was as I hurriedly stacked tables and chairs. And it showed. I had a pretty solid lesson planned- growing in Christ based off of Hebrews 5:11-6:3. A reminder I think our students really needed to hear, that it is not okay to stay where you started. I had a fun opening activity with baby food and bottles, a good transition with candy prizes and being able to “trade up”, a slide show of which is better, and some good illustrations to support this. We even built a foundation of bricks with mortar and all on which we can continue to build. But it fell apart. I didn’t have the right notes with me, so I was basically going from memory. We started out strong, but I failed to explain the which is better relation to the lesson, so it was just a random activity. Transitions were labored, and students were wild. I was frustrated and lost and trying desperately to hold it together. I forgot an illustration, the brick building foundation went well, except that it was a challenge to keep students engaged as we built it. And it crumbled this morning when I tried to move it, so we don’t have that ongoing reminder as was intended. So this morning I am frustrated, because I know what it could have been. I know how intentional I was in planning out every part, making it fit together like a puzzle. Instead I feel like we took all the puzzle pieces, dumped them out of the box, and just pushed them together not caring how they actually fit. I am reminded how important God’s role is in everything, how little this has to do with me and my planning. Because when I rely on my own strength, my own ability it crumbles. Which actually would be a wonderful illustration for the topic last night. I can only do so much, I can prepare the place where God will work, but I can’t do the work for him. But it’s too late. If God worked at all last night, it was inspite of me, not through me. Today I am left knowing what could have been and seeing what didn’t happen. I’m sorry.

Tree Faith

I love fall. I love being able to pull out my sweaters, curl up under a blanket, enjoy a cup of tea, and warm up with a bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. The trees are turning beautiful shades of red, the air is crisp and refreshing. It’s a wonderful time of year. As I marvelled at the beauty of the trees I found it amazing that they are so splending just before going into a long period of hibernation. Soon these now gorgeous trees will drop their leaves and spend several months appearing dead, lifeless. This is true for my life as well. Often the lowest times for me come just after the most wonderful. It’s like a caffeine high- for a few hours my body is falsely told that I have energy, but the caffeine wears off and suddenly I am slow and tired. My body struggles to function properly. I think so many of my “highs” were created by false things- things that made me feel emotionally more connected, emotionally more on fire, all while spiritually I’m still in the same place. When this emotional high wears off I am spiritually in the same place I was all along, but the emotions are gone and this makes the spiritual seem so much less.

Like the trees that are going to appear dead in a few weeks, my spiritual life may appear dead to me, or at least barely alive, but both my spiritual life and the trees are still just as alive as before, they are just living in a different way. Soon the buds will return, the “accessories” will come back, and the trees will look beautiful once again. My spiritual life may appear to be dead compared to what it had been, but really the high, the trappings, are just accessories. These are things that add to the spiritual, but they are not the spiritual. I don’t look at a pile of leaves and say, look at that tree, I say, look at those leaves. The same needs to be true of my spiritual life, I cannot look at the emotional part and say, look at how great my walk with God is.

Today as I admire the trees and their splendid leaves, I am reminded that the leaves do not make up the tree- the roots, the trunk, the “wood” makes up the tree. The leaves are an important part- they help the tree live, but they are not what makes the tree live. The emotional parts of my spirituality are not what make me spiritually alive, my relationship with God is. The emotional aspects are important, but they cannot keep me alive. Leaves are great, but as we see when they fall to the ground, leaves don’t keep the tree alive. And I’m glad about that.

Deedless Atonement

Yesterday we had a sermon that at it’s start made me expect a fairly commonplace message-the sermon topic was that salvation is through Christ alone.  However, I was surprised to find myself being challenged by the sermon in new ways…a few thoughts I want to pass along. 

-As we know, salvation is through Christ alone, this is not limited to the intial conversion, but to all of life. Our ongoing sanctification is also through Christ alone, possible only by the grace of God. How often do we try to grow on our own power? I know I often focus on doing the right things, reading my Bible, praying enough, giving money, taking care of the poor, etc. It is not by religion (or religious acts) that we are able to grow, but by a faith relationship with Jesus. So simple, so obvious, yet so easy to overlook and ignore. I want to know what a faith relationship with Jesus is like.

-You can’t ever be good enough, clean enough on your own. How can doing what you were supposed to be doing all along make up for what you failed to do in the past? NOTHING you do in the future can make up for the past because all we would be doing is what we were supposed to do to begin with. There is no way we can do enough good to make up for the bad we have done, because let’s face it, from the very beginning we were supposed to be doing that good. There is no line saying this is all the good you need to do anything after this is just bonus stuff. I could live a perfect life from here on out and it wouldn’t be able to make up for ONE mistake in the past. That’s the way it is. Only someone who has always been perfect, who has never messed up can take that away.

Such simple reminders, such obvious truths, but I definitely needed to be reminded that even now, especially now, it’s still about God’s grace and not my actions.

Peanut Butter Lifechange

I have a friend, her name is Michelle, but everyone calls her Skippy. You may wonder how someone gets the name of Skippy when their real name is Michelle. Well, it’s actually quite simple. During a youth group trip there was a heated debate whether JIF or Skippy peanut butter was better (this came about because of a need to buy PB to make sandwiches). Throughout the trip the group took to calling her Skippy because she had been one of the most vocal people for Skippy peanut butter. To this day nearly everyone at church calls her Skippy- she has two kids and is married, and still, she’s Skippy. I want to be a part of life change for students. I want to create the opportunities where things don’t just come back as memories, but as a part of every day living. Like something as ridiculous as peanut butter has become a part of who Michelle is, for better or worse. Not that I’m looking to coin a new nickname, but I would love to be a part of a new name being given to a student. What does it take to get there?

Help!

What constitutes “good” Sunday School material? Should all S.S. classes use a specific curriculum? What is the primary purpose of S.S. now? I am in charge of the upper high school (11th/12th) Sunday school class this year. They are finished with catechism and most of them have made Profession of Faith. Now it’s about nurturing their faith and helping them move forward to ownership of their beliefs. I think we are going to do a series that doesn’t use any sort of curriculum and is student led. I feel some hesistance from the church leadership about this though-they want to know what curriculum I’m going to be using. I feel like laughing about this because I have lead the youth group with the leadership hardly saying one thing or asking for more than a few updates on what’s going on, but apparently S.S. is something totally different. They found this DVD curriculum called [UP]. It’s a series of DVD’s with each DVD being a six-week course. Then they have each lesson/study lead by different Christian music artists. I was hesistant about the concept, but since the leadership seemed to really like it I checked it out. I’m not impressed. The actual artist led parts are fine-good questions and ideas, but the other half of the curriculum is far less impressive to me. They ask people on the street questions-the questions are actually pretty good in my opinion, but the answers are so shallow and/or stereo-typical good church answers that I feel like they would hinder depth and honest reflection in students discussing afterwords. And I wonder how does this curriculum help our students take possession of their faith so that when they leave for college or the working world and have to know what they believe and think about difficult issues they are prepared to handle them. So I want to dismiss this DVD curriculum and just do my questions for God series. But I wonder if I am trying too much to create something that is defined by my ideas and beliefs and opinions and not looking enough at the big picture. Am I limiting what these students can learn by imposing what I want to do on them? So I ask you for your help.  What do you do with your upper high school Sunday school class? Do you see any red-flags in either of these scenarios? Do you have any helpful experience with any similar curriculums/ideas?

Aah, the desert

It is not entirely uncommon to hear about the mountain top experiences Christians experience. Whether it be a retreat, camp, service trip, significant life event, or something else it seems like people are often talking about how close to God they felt during that time. And of course if there are mountain top experiences then there have to be those low in the valley experiences as well. The times when you feel like God is so far away you can’t connect. To me the valley isn’t so bad. From the valley you can still see the mountain. From the valley you can still see where you have been and where you are going. You may be frustrated at the climb ahead but the hope for what is next is still there. What I don’t hear that much about is the desert. To me the desert is the worst place to be. In the desert you don’t have the nourishment of the valley or the hope of seeing the mountain. In the desert it is you and a whole lot of nothing. In the desert you can do only one thing- get down on your knees and beg God to bring you out. Aah, yes. The desert is wonderful for this. On the mountain you are close to God, in the valley you see what lies ahead, but the desert is where you learn to truly rely on God. Jesus had this experience in the desert as well. He spent 40 days in the desert and then had to endure temptation after all that. He had to trust that God would provide for him, that God wasn’t going to leave him, even in this desolate wasteland filled with temptation. And after he endured this Jesus still chose to return on occasion to the desert. I don’t think this was an accident. The more time he spent in the desert the closer he drew to the Father. I think it was because of his desert experiences that when the time came for him to ultimately sacrifice himself on the cross he knew what he was facing. He knew the desolation and loneliness he was going to face. He knew that the Father was not going to abandon him in his greatest hour of need. This is why I don’t lose hope when I am in the desert. This is why the desert has become a place of joy just like the mountain top. Yes, it is frustrating and I spend the time in the desert working toward the mountain. Jesus never went to the desert as to stay, and we should not be content in the desert either. The desert is not a destination, but it is a place all travelers must pass through to get to the destination. And it is a formative part of the journey. I’m nearing the edge of the desert, I can see the lush valley before me, the faint outline of the mountain in the distance. And I am ready to move forward, to keep going, to be nourished. But I am grateful to my Father for walking me through the desert, for bringing me through a place that forces me to rely on him for my every need. God didn’t give the Israelites manna when they had arrived in the Promised Land, he gave them manna in the desert. God didn’t provide water from a rock in the Promised Land he provided it in the desert. When we can’t rely on our own devices, we open ourselves up to allow God to work miracles and wonders in our lives that he cannot do when we are in a safe place, in a place where we believe we can take care of ourselves.  So, no matter how frustrated I get by the dry spells, by the desert land. I am grateful to my Lord for not allowing me to live only in the valleys and on the mountain. And I am grateful that he continues to bring me out to the desert when I get too content in myself.

Starving Sin

I have been thinking a lot about putting to death that which is earthly in my life. I struggle with things of this world invading my life a lot- to the point that often I let them have too much space and too much control. After reading Colossians 3 I have been really convicted about this and struggling with how you actually put to death something that is so much a part of you. I decided the only possible way to do this is starvation. This may sound silly, and probably is from the part of my brain that thinks about teaching junior highers, but I am in a fairly literal sense attempting to starve the part of me that needs to die. What I mean is, no matter how desperately I want to give in, no matter how strongly I feel I HAVE to do it, I am refusing to let myself have it. And much like physical starving I would imagine, the more I deny myself, the more my self that is not as deeply rooted in Christ as it should be crys out for it and trys to get it. So, I am seeking ways to fill the void. Which is beautiful and good because I have forced myself to a place where all I can do is fill my mind and my longing with things of God or I will give in to the crys of my old self that I am trying to starve. I have found new ways to be with God, taking long walks and reflecting intentionally on something I see. Listening to music as an act of worship. Meditating on a single verse/phrase. Sharing. My hope is that I can starve my old self, that I can truly put it to death. It’s not easy, but it is wonderful.

Change

I have been at my church for a year now, a little more actually. My thoery coming in was to make only essential changes to the youth ministry program to really be able to evaluate the current program as honestly as I could and to base a new program on actually knowing the people I was developing it for. So the first year has been pretty easy. Minor, surface changes only. Not too painful, at least they shouldn’t be. But kids weren’t too fond of the changes at first, but by the end of it all I think they adapted for the most part. But now it’s time for the hard part. Unfortunately after more than 10 years of the same format for youth group it just isn’t working anymore (this is really only unfortunate because it means I am faced with the challenge of convincing an entire church that change is good). Ha, who am I kidding! I hate change, we all hate change. It goes against our nature. We like to be comfortable and change forces us out of our comfort zone into a new place. So having spent a year doing nothing and receiving praise for this (it makes me especially concerned about the response to the changes being made) I am moving ahead like a bulldozer essentially destroying everything that was. Typically this would not be my approach. But this is not a typical situation. People are set and comfortable with a way that has been around so long it almost qualifies as a “but that’s the way we’ve always done it!” (aah Calvinists). So working with a group of people including a parent, a volunteer leader, a church leader, and a couple of students we have developed a program. Is it perfect? Absolutely not. Is it going to be tough…definitely. But how do we encourage youth and parents to be on board and give it a shot? We are changing a program that has always met only twice a month to meeting every week and occassionally more than once a week. We have changed the old model of music, lesson, and then small groups and instead we have worship and small groups on different nights. Yikes. What if no one comes? What if the only people who like this idea are the ones sitting in the crowded office for hours each week working on developing a purpose and program that fulfills the purpose? How do I convince people change is good? Should I just relegate myself to accepting the fact that we will loose a lot of kids the first year, or is this the wrong approach to take? Should I be trying harder to accomadate students so we at least have them or should I be doing what I am and creating environments where the purpose is to be very intentional about helping students grow? Are 8 people promoting this vision enough or do we need more people on board? These are all thoughts that cram my mind as I move forward with this vision and this plan to accomplish the vision. And then as I think I might just keep doing the same thing and forget about change I am reminded by a gentle reminder from a friend, or a hard slap from a Bible passage, or a quiet peace from God that despite the challenges ahead, despite our natural resistance to change, we are following God’s plan, we are seeking God’s guidance, and we must move ahead. So for now I rest assured of God’s hand in this change, and I pray for the people most affected by it- the youth, our leaders, and the parents, that they may catch the vision, that they may be excited about this change even in their hesistance and uncomfort. I pray that as we all go through this process of change we may grow in our faith and love for one another, because really, that’s what it’s all about.