Frustrations

I have a very specific routine prior to any youth meeting. I always arrive way early, go over my plan for the night, practice it out loud in the quiet of no one around to hear me, and pray. I would definitely say prayer is my biggest weakness spiritually, so for me, setting aside a specific time for prayer is essential, otherwise, it doesn’t happen (except the short one liners). No meditative prayer, no focusing prayer. That is what I do before our meeting. This helps me get my focus where it needs to be, as well as praying for the students coming. Last night, I didn’t get this. I didn’t have any time for review and preperation and my only prayer time was as I hurriedly stacked tables and chairs. And it showed. I had a pretty solid lesson planned- growing in Christ based off of Hebrews 5:11-6:3. A reminder I think our students really needed to hear, that it is not okay to stay where you started. I had a fun opening activity with baby food and bottles, a good transition with candy prizes and being able to “trade up”, a slide show of which is better, and some good illustrations to support this. We even built a foundation of bricks with mortar and all on which we can continue to build. But it fell apart. I didn’t have the right notes with me, so I was basically going from memory. We started out strong, but I failed to explain the which is better relation to the lesson, so it was just a random activity. Transitions were labored, and students were wild. I was frustrated and lost and trying desperately to hold it together. I forgot an illustration, the brick building foundation went well, except that it was a challenge to keep students engaged as we built it. And it crumbled this morning when I tried to move it, so we don’t have that ongoing reminder as was intended. So this morning I am frustrated, because I know what it could have been. I know how intentional I was in planning out every part, making it fit together like a puzzle. Instead I feel like we took all the puzzle pieces, dumped them out of the box, and just pushed them together not caring how they actually fit. I am reminded how important God’s role is in everything, how little this has to do with me and my planning. Because when I rely on my own strength, my own ability it crumbles. Which actually would be a wonderful illustration for the topic last night. I can only do so much, I can prepare the place where God will work, but I can’t do the work for him. But it’s too late. If God worked at all last night, it was inspite of me, not through me. Today I am left knowing what could have been and seeing what didn’t happen. I’m sorry.